It is pretty cold this morning. I believe it said 19 degrees on the radio. I am so glad I kept my “Iowa Winter” gear! I proudly wore my hat and gloves this morning regardless of the fact that they looked a little silly with my attire.  While waiting for the bus, I regretted not wearing heavier shoes. The bus was late this this morning, so I stood outside for fifteen minutes or so and I’ve been inside for twenty minutes now, but my feet are still cold!
As my feet thaw, I am thankful that I work in a heated office building and not a warehouse. Oh and I’m really really happy that we have complimentary warm beverages at work. It might be a day where I consume one cup of tea for every glass of water. If you know how much water I drink a day, that’s going to be quite a lot of tea!
What is your favorite way to stay warm when the weather is like this? Do you go outside and get all chilly then come inside and warm up with warm drinks and cuddly quilts? Do you avoid going outside at all and just pretend it’s sunny and warm out the window?

Originally published at Oatmeal for Breakfast. You can comment here or there.

Winter mornings are hard. It seems so unkind to have to wake up when it is so dark outside, and it's nigh impossible to wake up the Youngest Boy (current amount of time spent to get him to full wakefulness: 1 hour). Winter just seems to call out for extra sleeping and not so much work. Bummer about all the housework and the job and all, right?

On the other hand, there's nothing like being indoors to make one realize that one probably out to snow-shovel the junk out of the living room from time to time. So yesterday was spent, in some part, sorting through the piles of papers and books and magazines and music to figure out what ought really to be upstairs, and what should be tossed, given away, or simply stored elsewhere. Tricky stuff, too: does the French horn stay upstairs so that I am reminded that I ought to be practicing, or should it be downstairs so that I don't trip over it every time I walk through the living room?

Also, I'm slowly trying to get to washing all the walls, something I've never before felt the need to do. This year, however, I'm noticing that the walls are covered with a thin layer of something that I'm assuming is dust. So my friend Spic 'n Span and I washed three walls last night--boy, that's an unthrilling chore.

Audience Participation: What big chores are you pegging away at right now?

We will be spending Christmas in Guatemala. It will be the first time for me to be away from family the whole season. However, Guatemalans are serious about taking their Christmas vacation: we have off from Dec. 4 - Jan. 4! They are also serious about using firecrackers as a celebration tool. Since there isn't air-conditioning, it isn't necessary,with windows open we have been jumping a lot and will be until we get used to the bomb-like sounds.

Tomorrow is a celebration called "Quema del Diablo" (burn the devil) that involves people beating devil-shaped pinatas and then throwing the devil doll or pinata into the fire. This is one celebration we never learned about in Spanish culture class.

Best wishes from Guatemala for your holidays!

Okay, so dumb things can make me happy. Today's dumb thing (which may not be so dumb): being able to afford to spend money on MYSELF. I bought dress shoes for me THAT FIT! You have no idea how happy my little girl soul is to have dress shoes THAT FIT properly!

I have to say that Penney's 20% off coupon I got at school made me a very happy girl today. I SAVED more off the regular prices than I spent. The stingy part of my soul is happy with that. And I have CUTE SHOES THAT FIT!

The Bella Cullen Project's very own Chandler Nash WON the Battle of the Bands in Ft. Worth, so she got to advance to the finals in Dallas. Which were held at The Club Formerly Known As The Gypsy Tea Room (but is now The Door). So not only did I get to go support Chandler in friggen' Dallas, I got to go to one of my favorite clubs from back in the day even though it's a little different now.

MAN, was that interesting. Brought back a lot of memories, including TMBG and Rasputina, as well as hanging out with Aaron, Anne, Jacob, etc. Miss those days.

Also, brought back memories of NEVER BEING ABLE TO FIND THE FUCKING PLACE. I don't know why it's so tough to get to when I've been there a million times.

Anyway, I got there early enough to talk to Chandler for a while, and I had a terribly revelatory conversation with her wherein I found out that she hates Edward Cullen (!!!) and thinks Twilight is poorly written (!!!) and that the lyrics to "Sexy Vampire" were silly and ridiculous (!!!!) and all sorts of things that we actually totally agree on. Not that she's knocking the BCP's songs, but she realizes they are silly, and I thought it was great to not have to worry about maybe hurting her feelings and we could talk like people who are equally entranced yet appalled by the Twilight phenomenon.

Then, when Ally and Tori showed up, I found out that they were both NERDFIGHTERS. FANTASTIC.

Guys, did you know that the cool way to dance these days is to fling yourself about wildly, like a complete spaz, slinging your arms and legs in every direction and potentially kicking people in the face? Chandler called this "Tae Kwan Dancing". It's kind of amazing and hysterical.

Waited through four "screamo" bands while hanging out with Chandler and her friends. Felt old and kind of awkward, but I felt better since Tori's mom was hanging out with us. These girls are hilarious and adorable and it reminded me so hard of being in high school and going out to a club and people watching. Miss it. MISS IT. Want to do that more often. Where is Aaron? Aaron, we need to go to a fucking concert. I don't care who it is. It can suck. Want to hang out with you and laugh and have a frivolous time. OKAY?

So when Chandler finally went on, she was a) the only girl and b) the only non-"screamo" act and c) freaking amazing. She kicked ass, and sounded fantastic, and I wish her set could have been longer. Also found out that she'll be playing at some coffee shops closer to home, so that will be cool. :)

TOPIC THE NEXT: I RAN A 5K YESTERDAY

I've been doing the couch to 5K program for a while now, not even sure. When I started it, I only did it because sparkly_aria was doing it with me and it was her idea, and also because I needed some sort of exercise since I hadn't been doing much other than hooping. I never, ever, ever intended to actually run a 5K.

When I was in elementary school, they used to make us do the Cowtown 10K every year, and it was one of my most miserable memories. I remember hating that thing, hating the practice for it, wanting to die while I was walking it (because I didn't even try to run it, are you kidding?). So running has never really been linked to good things in my brain.

Even when I got to the point in C25K where I was running for 30 minutes three times a week, I still wasn't sure if I wanted to do a whole 5K. But I was intrigued by the Jingle Bell Run, because it's in Downtown Ft. Worth, which is a beautiful city (in my opinion) that holds a lot of memories and good times for me, and also, YOU RUN THE WHOLE THING WITH JINGLE BELLS ON YOUR FEET. Every single runner has JINGLE BELLS on, so everyone is jingling the whole time. Which is pretty awesome. :)

What I didn't realize until I got there is that everyone also dresses up all Christmas-y. Mom tried to tell me, I guess, but I didn't really realize the scope of the dressing up. There were people in all sorts of goofy costumes, running. I've decided that next year I want to run it in a Christmas tutu and stripy tights. BECAUSE COME ON, AWESOME.

ANYWAY. I did it. I ran the whole thing, without stopping to walk at all. And it was actually fun! I felt pretty proud of myself, and as soon as the race was over I went from being proud to wanting to climb into bed and never get out again, and this morning I'm really sore, but it was a lot of fun and I'm glad I did it. Something I never, ever expected I'd be able to do. :)

YAY HOORAY!

This post is over now!

Last night I got up the courage to pick up sock #2 and start to finish it. Being I am brand new at sock knitting it was a big decision. I worked feverishly for hours and got it finished and it looked mighty cute. Couldn't wait to try it on and .....argh, too short in the foot. You know how carpenters say "measure twice, cut once"? That will be my mantra now. So I carefully pulled out the knitting to a safe place and today with the sun shining brightly and the cats napping in a sun spot I'll try to work on the sock again. wish me luck!

I've had a couple of people ask recently whether I'm doing okay, which makes me a little worried that I am sounding overly emo on posts/status updates/et cetera. I gave some thought to this yesterday, because the truth is that I'm not unhappy or overly stressed--though there is some stress that comes with just trying to do everything right now.

I started thinking about it in terms both spiritual and literary. The best I can say right now is that I feel like God is breaking my heart into smaller and smaller pieces, but it's not a bad thing...it's just a hard thing. And I know that He will bind them up again.

Right now--and by "right now," I mean during the past several months and up to now--I feel as though He has been reminding me of something I knew: He gives generously so that we can give generously (2 Cor. 9:11) and that whoever gives to the poor lends to God (Proverbs 19:17). I know that these scriptures are true when it comes to monetary aid, but I am learning even more how true they are for all kinds of giving. I feel that God is calling me right now to give sometimes what I don't have (patience, kindness, mercy, cheerfulness)--but if I make up my mind to give it, I find that He has given me more than what I have, plenty to give away to others.

In literary terms, the beginning of the school year brought conflict between self (me) and environment (a new job). That continued for a while, but now the conflict is between self and self: my expectations, my idea of what and who I should be, my yardsticks of success.

Are things bad? Not at all. Am I unhappy? Not at all! But there is so much happening internally that sometimes I am sure I seem as though I must be flailing. Take heart! Things are beginning to click into place, and my natural buoyance is bobbing to the surface more often.

Title: Winking
Summary: My imagination on what Stomp rehearsals might be like. Completely from inferences, I actually don't know how it would be like. For those of you who don't know what Stomp is, it's just a "non-traditional dance troupe (originating in Brighton, UK) that uses the body and ordinary objects to create a physical theatre performance non-traditional dance troupe (originating in Brighton, UK) that uses the body and ordinary objects to create a physical theatre performance" (Source: Wikipedia). So there ya go.
Characters: Jake, Linda, and Charley (vague characters)
Rating/Warnings: G/All dialogue.
Author's Note: Was actually writing another one about "Cue", but it was getting too confusing and cheesy so I retorted to an easy way out: all dialogue. This is a response to Brigit's Flame prompt: "Cue".

( Boom. Boom. Clap. )

It is cold and a little snow has fallen and they are playing classic Christmas music in the coffee shop. I guess it is the holiday season. I have baked cookies, lefse and put out red candles and some Christmas table runners. Knitted up some little projects but they are secret, of course.
I get to shop for a 1 year old this year!
(Mostly I'm posting so I can see how the new layout and design I picked out for lj looks... when you are cheap frugal like me and have a free account the pickin's are pretty slim.
Cheers!

I just, I should just resign from LJ Idol right now because this guy is going to (AND SHOULD) win: markmade

I don't think I've read any of his entries before today (THERE ARE JUST SO GOD DAMN MANY ENTRIES, GUYS), but his take on this topic was a hilarious sequel to Twilight called "Sunrise".

With cyber dinosaurs from the future.

WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT????

I hate myself a little. It was so obvious.

And his "Bearing False Witness" entry was a proposal for a television show called "Bear: False Witness" (This Show Is Rated TV14, With Scenes Of Intense Violence, Sexuality & A Bear)

Great. Now I'm hooked on a TV show that doesn't exist yet. Can you blame me? It oozes style, features intriguing art direction, has some great lines, and it's in space. OCEAN'S 11 IN SPACE, PEOPLE. Well, better spread the joy misery:

SLINGERS from Mike Sizemore on Vimeo.

This is basically a pitch that a guy named Mike Sizemore is doing for TV execs, hoping to shoot a pilot early next year. I'd say he's on the right track. Here's hoping that this is a show we're actually watching a year from now.

Forgot to mention that we got a leaning tower of video games today thanks to my sister's discount working at EB Games. I am now the proud owner of Prince of Persia: Sands of Time and Tomb Raider Anniversary (which may or may not be traded in for another game; I just wanted to try a TR game). I also eyeballed Trauma Center: Under the Knife, Orphen, Sly Cooper 2 and 3, a few Jak and Daxter games, laughed at Dissidia, Assassin's Creed: Bloodlines, and Astonishia Story (which I know nothing about but which had very pretty art); didn't get any of them, however, since I wanted to look into them more before spending any more money.

I also discovered that I seem to have an instinctive leaning towards Ubisoft.

And that I am far more impressed by the promo video for Bioshock 2 than I am for Final Fantasy XIII. And I don't even like horror games.

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Posted from my dreamwidth. dw comments can be found over here.

So Friday the 13th was actually a pretty good day. I woke up at a semi-reasonable hour, got prompted into deciding to get my Learner's license that day, and did so after about two hours of taking sample questions online. Everyone at the Drivers Services place was super nice (let me take the test last minute), and I only messed up two questions. Now I just need to practice.

Capstone's been retardedly... I don't even have a word for it. Clusterfucking, maybe? I mean, I knew this whole thing was going to be a mess, because a) it's a college year-end project, b) it's a college year-end project with a bunch of students who just had the summer off working at a proper job, and c) they're still making us take classes for the duration which is just. What. Especially English. Kate is amazingly nice, but I could do without English. Security was infinitely more useful and interesting, but it still ate up a lot of valuable time. Then one of my team members got sick right after I got over my own head cold, and now we're running into a shitload of problems with the prototype because Zend is made of stupid and I swear I will never touch it again, I'll build my own damn framework if I have to next time.

Finally caught up my finances, since I was accosted by some Amnesty International people on the street and after signing up for a membership thought that I might want to see if I could actually afford it (the membership itself is more of a Christmas present for my brother, since he likes us donating to charities in his name). I discovered that I have been spending an awful lot on Tim Hortons, Detective Conan, and eating out at Gareth's shows. Must cut that out. Must also stop justifying spontaneous spending with 'well it's not like I get it that often right?' because it is getting to the point where I am getting it that often.

Need to go Christmas shopping still. I have no idea what to get half of my family. Pretty much each and every present I have to mail is going to be late. I wanted to actually get cards done this year (I swore to get them done over the summer this year; HA), and that comic rendition of The Gift, but between gift shopping, finishing Capstone, switching back to full time at work, having two Christmas parties on the same day, only getting off work for the 25th and half of the 24th, and catching up on a month's worth of missed flamenco, fuck if I know what's actually going to wind up happening. My life is made of chaaaaaos.

Really, the only upside is that I haven't died or failed anything yet, and have a shiny new silver notebook which is perfect for writing story ideas in, since I've been trying to get back on that.

Gods, I still have those art books I borrowed from Dad's boss. I've kicked them around a bit too; I should probably buy him new ones and just keep the ones he lent me. orz

Not to mention my paints have been sitting around on my desk since I painted the canvas for Feria back in October, the photograph of which I still have to upload to my dA account. I have, however, discovered that my palette is apparently made of sealed awesome, because most of my acrylics are still wet. I did lose my easel, however. And will need more Turpenoid soon, though hell if I know why I keep torturing myself with oils. (Though I suppose I might as well use up all the paint and drying agent I have. Problem is, if I run out of one before the other, I buy more of the one, and then the other runs out, and I buy more of that, and...)

May be working on an animation production next June. I really really hope I get a placement as a digital inker, because oh my god it would be so much amazing experience and practice that I desperately need.

Finally getting a Lapinator for Christmas, so I can stop using my Ramses II book as a desk. I should probably crack open the laptop casing and get a vacuum in there as well, with the way the fan's been chugging lately. Or clicking, rather. Same difference.

Slowly making better friends with Denise from flamenco, which is great because she's awesome and interesting and does cool stuff and her boyfriend is taking Fine Arts at UVic and knows a hella lot about creative writing. She did, however, in the course of our conversation seem to get the impression that Adam was my boyfriend. Not quite sure what to make of that. I guess I tend to talk about him more because we talk most out of everyone I know back home? Most of the others aren't huge on internet communication.

Speaking of everyone back home, I may also be going to a wedding in June, and I will have to do a speech oh my god I won't even know half the people there augh.

Tangent aside and back to Denise, I was surprised when, while I was describing the circumstances that led up to my leaving Ottawa with my family, she asked me why I didn't just stay behind by myself and I honestly couldn't think of an answer. I don't recall ever really thinking about it. I just kind of assumed I'd be going with them and went. I guess it's because I didn't have a job (got fired) and didn't really have grades (got failed), but those were generally the result of my being lazy and stupid and odds are good I could have stayed on with a neighbour who'd offered to let me rent with her, and found something else. (I mean, I got paid for doing a mural at Rasputin's, I could've kept trying for stuff like that if I really needed to. I'm not great, but good enough that I could have picked up commissions here and there, I think?) But I didn't! I moved to the other side of the country. And I'm not really sure why. Maybe that's one of the reasons I'm not really happy here.

It was awesome enough when we first came out here. I loved travelling across the country, and I liked it when we first got here, and we have neat stuff like the ocean in our backyard and everything, but... I dunno. I can count the things that I'd stay here for on one hand, and at least half of them are kind of give-or-take or could disappear at any given moment. But I don't really know what's left for me back in Ottawa, either. Granted, at the very least I know I love the city (provided it hasn't changed drastically in the last two and a half years), and it's much more friendly to residents than the one I'm in now ($600k for a 2-bedroom condo what) (highest rate of murder in the country right now what) (no insulation in the houses what) (can't bike anywhere come on) (etc. etc.). I miss a lot about Ottawa. I miss the bike paths, I miss the cultural stuff, I miss the landscape, I miss the level of street safety, I miss the public transit, I miss the affordability, and most of all I miss the weather, weird as that sounds. Particularly the thunderstorms and the snow. So maybe that would be enough if I went back, even if I wouldn't be living in the same neighbourhood or with the same circle of friends. It would still be more than I have here, as it stands. Even when I try to tell myself that there's gotta be some good things that wouldn't have come about if I hadn't come out here, all I can come up with is flamenco and meeting some of my online friends, like Styx. And even then, who's to say that I wouldn't have run across them anyway if I'd stayed in Ottawa? I knew about DDD long before we ever came out here. So really, all that I would have been missing out on that I'm particularly attached to is flamenco, and one of my professors at school (who is made of awesome). And maybe a few festivals. Which iiiisn't a whole lot.

(Okay, and maybe this one bookstore and some of the people in flamenco, but I consider the latter part of flamenco, so.)

Then again, at the same time I have a really awesome job here, and half the time I feel like I'm just not trying hard enough, or that it's a matter of greener on the other side of the fence, or that I'm not getting out enough, or that a lot of my discontent is being caused by the bleedover of the discontent of like half of my other family members. My mom isn't happy here, my youngest brother doesn't seem very happy here (or at least isn't carving out a very good path for himself), my sister seems to be wavering, and I honestly don't know what Grant thinks. I don't think he's all that enthused. But Dad really wanted to come out here, and no one really wanted to disappoint him because he does so much for us and he seems to really like it here, but just. Augh. It's a horrible mess.

When it gets right down to it, though, awesome job or not, I don't think I'll be staying here very long. There's really just too little keeping me here, unless I get a boyfriend or stumble onto something particularly amazing, and even then, who knows. I can always find another job, even if it isn't likely to be quite as awesome. And odds are I'd just try to cajole any possible significant other into coming with me instead.

Though it disturbs me that I don't really seem to feel safe anywhere any more, much less content. And it disturbs me even more that that's become so important to me in the first place.

Sometimes I think my parents didn't do me any favours when they didn't kick me out of the house after I quit my second post-secondary program. Maybe that way I would have been in more of a hurry to get my head screwed on straight. Or I would have become a gypsy. That could have been neat, too.


(Should probably add that I am now a certified computer technician, and apparently have been one since, like, April. Barring the Capstone clusterfuck becoming a snafu, I'll also be diploma'd around the end of December. I am significantly less excited about this than I thought I'd be when I started this program.)

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Posted from my dreamwidth. dw comments can be found over here.

I just discovered an awesome website: everynote.com. If you're looking for old music, that's the place to go! I've been hunting for The Publican for ages and just found it to download on everynote for $1.86! Can't beat that!

So, now my piano-playing fingers have new music to play. *bliss*

When I was living abroad, the question of how Europeans felt about Americans occasionally came up. Opinions generally ranged from ambivalent to negative, although I personally never encountered any hostility. That said, my Albanian friend Joan surprised me on the topic one day.

"I will tell you one place where they like Americans," he said. "Albania!" "Really?" I said, surprised. "Oh yes. Albanians LOVE Americans! You helped us out in the war." "Oh, okay..." I said.

Well, I guess Joan wasn't lying - Mental_Floss has a nice little bit about a competition to design a bronze statue of George W. Bush, to be placed in... Bush Square! Sounds like W will always have friends in the town of Fushe-Kruje...

The Boston Globe features an interesting article on the reasons behind Albania's love affair with America. Strange to think that we've twice saved from extinction a country that most Americans couldn't find on a map!

I will say that based purely on my experience of Joan's cooking abilities, Albanian food must represent the pinnacle of Mediterranean cuisine. A culture well worth preserving!

The only consolation in having these hooligans from 8:15 until noon without break is that I'll only have them for about 20 minutes - no 15! They have an extra 5 minutes today! - and then I give them away for music, have them for a half hour for math, then I give most of them away for a half hour for STAR, then it's time to pack up and go home.

Now, I have a whole bunch who owe me some recess, so I must HUNT THEM DOWN.

More than a few people have said to me lately something like, “it’s great you let Jonathan go to South Africa.” Yes, yes, it’s great that Jonathan is in South Africa, but I did not provide him with the permission to go. Oh, I prayed alright, and I know that if I’d ever said anything about wanting him to stay he would have, but ultimately the thing I could not get out of my head was the memory of this photo:

You see, this child followed Jonathan around everywhere the whole time we were in Durban last year. While it initially seemed he was most interested in the camera equipment Jonathan carried, it quickly became evident that more than anything he really had a need to be loved and given some attention from a man. His father is not present in the home, his mom works in a factory that is not near their house, so he lives with his older sister and they do the best they can. They’re doing their best, but it isn’t God’s best for them. Jonathan was the only man on our team of eight that traveled to South Africa last year. He was almost always followed or surrounded by a crowd of little boys. Many of these boys don’t have fathers in their homes. When I think of how much we love our little child who is currently only the size of an ear of corn and how hard it must be for those mothers to raise their boys, it was not hard for me to support Jonathan in returning to Durban. Don’t get me wrong, I miss him like crazy and sleep horribly all alone, but it’s worth it. Worth it for me to know that the Lord is using Jonathan to work in the hearts of these children to tell them He has a good purpose for their lives and for Jonathan to love them in a way maybe they don’t experience all that often. My prayer during this time is that they realize that regardless of the situation around them, God is interested in their hearts and their future. God is bigger than AIDS, bigger than shanty towns, bigger than parents who cannot or will not provide for them. My prayer for the people of Cato Manor today comes from Psalm 5:11~
“Let all whotake refuge in you rejoice;
 let them ever sing for joy,
and spread your protection over them,
that those who love your name may exult in you.”
Lord, may those who are facing situations that seem terrible still find reasons to rejoice. May your grace and your peace be enough for them. Lord give us wisdom to see how we can serve those who are struggling and may our struggles be seen in the light of your grace and goodness.

Originally published at Oatmeal for Breakfast. You can comment here or there.

I was reading a piece by Charles Swindoll today in which he wrote about the death of Stephen Foster as a pauper. He wrote about the people we meet who are hurting may look like, well, just people. We can't always see that "...the song in their heart is dying, because no one knows, and no one cares."

That made me think of Isaiah 42:3 "A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out."

How quick we are sometimes to snuff smoldering wicks! Think about a candle that has just been almost completely extinguished, with just a spark glowing at the end of the wick. The smoke rises in a plume, and often that plume of smoke is irritating or annoying. In the same way, sometimes we find ourselves irritated by people whose fault is primarily that their song is dying inside, their wick is being snuffed out.

We dismiss them as needy, as attention-seeking. We ignore them, feel uncomfortable around them, wish they'd get over it or become more interesting or be more fun. All we see is how they affect us. What we do not see is that they are silently crying out for someone--anyone--to listen, to notice, to care, even a little bit. Sometimes, the people that try us the most are the people who need most whatever grace we can extend.

There are some children who try my patience. They are naughty, obnoxious, even annoying. Sometimes, they're my own children. Sometimes, I have to be unpleasant, at least for a moment, and step in to correct certain behaviors. But along with that has to come some grace, too. Once it's been corrected, I have to extend the grace of "forgetting" about it the next time we interact. After the storm should come the calm. After the boom is lowered, there has to be left room for a fresh start.

I'm writing this in spurts while my son talks to me. Just after the Older Boy and his dad leave in the morning, this Younger Boy really comes further awake and is in a chatty mood. He doesn't so much want conversation, he wants to tell me things. He is not the only one who wants to tell me things--all day long, children tell me things. They tell me about loose teeth. They tell me about their puppy. They tell me about the shark in the book they're reading. They tell me who "cutted" who in line. They tell me, tell me, tell me.

Sometimes, especially when I am trying to concentrate on something, I want to say, "Not now! I'm busy! Don't talk to me unless you have something to say!" But surely that might be crushing a bruised reed, snuffing that smoldering wick. I don't know how the song in their heart is doing, whether it's swelling or waning. I only know that I need to act as though there is a possibility that I am the only one who listens, the only one who cares.

Let us be gentle with one another. Let's fan those glowing sparks, not squash them. Let us encourage one another and extend the grace we have been given.

Drips & Drabs & Dribbles

09:21 I have the most interesting job sometimes... #

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